noun: despair; plural noun: despairs – the complete loss or absence of hope.
Most of us college football fans are familiar with this pesky little noun. And while some of us take the sport seriously, other, crazier fans may spend weeks, if not months, in despair over a largely insignificant thing like a football game.
I’m sure some Michigan crazies felt that yesterday. So did some Aggies…and the Seminoles. Hell, Arkansas and Tennessee have been there for a while, just holding hands and reminiscing about days gone by.
But despair not, college football fans, for the cure to your despair is nigh. Because as all your hopes and dreams go down the drain of mediocrity, Three Wide is here. Here to bring joy and hope as we giggle at how weird our sport is. So drink it in, losers. Here’s Week 4.
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Joseph F. Burrow, Esquire threw 6 TD passes.
We here at the Down Field Stats wholeheartedly support scoring stupid amounts of points. We also extend this support to scoring stupid amounts of points against Vanderbilt. But with that support comes expectations. Like which teams do the crazy, stupid scoring. Suffice it to say that we did not expect this. No one could have expected this.
Because it’s never happened before.
No Geuax Tigahs quarterback has ever thrown six touchdowns in one game. The record was previously held by walking transfer portal advocate Zach Mettenberger. Burrow went a crisp 25 for 34 for 398 yards on his way to those six scores. One receiver, sophomore Ja’Marr Chase, racked up 229 yards receiving, including four touchdowns.
Must be nice to have good quarterback play…
Matt Fink third strings it to victory.
At the beginning of the season, USC head coach Clay Helton’s job wasn’t just in jeopardy…people were actively speculating about whether or not Urban Meyer would come back from the dead to star in Zombie Coach 3: The Trojaning.
Helton had to think that he was screwed when J.T. Daniels, the first-string quarterback went down with a season-ending knee injury in the opening game.
Fast forward to yesterday. Kedon Slovis (another Name of the Year candidate) had played fairly well in the opening slate of games after coming in for Daniels, but he gets a concussion on the second play of the game. Poor Clay, whatever could he do?
Enter Matt Fink.
Fink finished third in a four-man QB competition coming out of camp. And while most kids in this day and time would be headed for greener pastures via the transfer portal, he decided to stick it out. The California native was rewarded for his loyalty by getting the call after his teammate went out, and boy, did he take advantage of it.
He strapped the Trojans to his back and went 21 for 30 for 351 yards and 3 scores against then-undefeated and #10 in the country Utah. Michael Pittman Jr. hauled in 10 of those passes for 232 yards and a score.
Hey look, good quarterback play…from a third stringer. Must be nice.
Jonathan Taylor ran Michigan the hell over.
Michigan. Man football. Where chicken is frowned upon and the only thing that goes with steak is more steak.
Jonathan Taylor took the steak, ate it, then smashed the plate on Big Blue’s head. Just looking at this stat line makes me smile.
- 23 rushes
- 203 yards
- 8.8 yards per attempt
- 2 touchdowns
What a performance from the junior tailback. Why, as a matter of fact, I think he more than doubled the rushing total from another school.
Not that I’m a bitter, crazy supporter in the depths of despair or anything. Nope. Not me. Wait, Georgia comes to town in two weeks? Damnit.
